to the **NiGHTS** that we'll never forget && the ((MORNiNGS)) that came too soon...

here you are.
here i am.
together we can be unlonley.
ridin in the cab of his truck.
you by my side.
losing ourselves in the moon light.
driving around...no destination in mind.
getting lost in each others eyes.
keeping our secret from the world...
but we still have tonight.

secretly i think were in love.
just dont know what to do about it.
your with her, im with him.
but when were together we fight to hold it in.
our hands brush against one another.
chill up my spine.
butterflys in my tummy.
my tonuge aching to taste you.
to feel your arms wrapped around me.
where nothing will be able to hurt me.

kiss me.
fill me with your posion.
take me far away.
from everything we know.
into the unknown.
into the obyss of life.
into the darkness we go hand in hand.
when you call baby i roll up.
using songs to describe our feelings.
hiding the pain of secrecy.
secrets dont die with the dead.
we both know.
my heart stops when you look at me.
you take my breath away.



love me.
until forever.
tho nothing lasts forever.
i could be your nothing.
we could commit the perfect crime.
ill steal your heart.
&& you steal mine.
when you call i feel like i mean something.
when you speak my name i know ive crossed your mind.
more than a few times.
i see you.
and then when your not there its just back to reality for me.
i wanna wake up and fall asleep to the beating of your heart.
forbidden.
cant ever forget that eventually morning comes.
and we have to remember our places.
you with her. and i with him.
but stealing looks at one another.
hiding the truth from everyone.
including our selves.
if we fail.
everything we hold onto will be at stake.
of falling from our grasp.
never again to be held.
i want to be worth the risk.
i want to risk it all for you.
no matter how complicated things are.
lets be untogether.
showing only ourselves beneath the moon and stars.
with them as witnesses to our love story.



jeffery has a point...

http://www.vimeo.com/20708297


hey everyone this is going to be a short blog but my friend jeffery has a lot of problems...but he is very smart and im only about half way through this video but so far he has a point...why isnt the government making our educational system better? why are people so inhuman sometimes that they push people into corners who then explode and doing things that well lets just say have more consequences than anyone believed would happen? he was expelled from uscl for a threat against this school and you know what? i honestly believe in my heart that this could have been prevented if just one person would have taken the time to see his side of the story.  i am sorry jeffery that i was not there for you...you were always very nice to me and i guess i didnt want to see the signs because personally i know them all to well myself...just because you are different does not mean that you are a bad person. i really wish you would have talked to someone before doing something like this....but now it is done but i swear i will get this video out there.

His words need to get out there. he has a point. he may not have used the best way to get it across but it doesnt mean that what he is saying isnt true.  the government keeps lying about stuff and show you only what they want you to know. thats why our education systems are so horrible...take my old high school for example it was an old bomb shelter in the 60s, there are no windows in the classrooms, all you see are concrete walls...the actual education part is also outdated...i passed through high school with flying colors...i never studied, hardly ever did homework, and yet i graduated at the top of my class...then i get to college and boom. it was like i walked in to arostotles class room or something. ive had professors be arressted for talking to us about the truth...area 51, obamas real plans about the war, bushs idea of the war, but that is besides the point...just watch this video and please feel free to leave comments...i really want his word to get out and i hope and pray that people actually listen to it.

this heart...is for you...

quiet stary nights...
sittin by your side,
listening to you talk...
there is only one boundary we havent crossed...
matters of the heart,
so deep and lovely...
like the color of your eyes...
deep brown, but hollowed and scared...
i carry that same look too,
dont be afraid...
i promise ill save you.

so as if yall couldnt already tell im kinda falling for this guy really fast...we like all of the same music, books, you name it and we both like it :) skateboarding, dubstep, purple, so much...boy you keep amazing me.
so let me lay it down for you...

• my ((feelings)) for you are *HiDD3N* in PLAiN V3iW!
• i wanna be the girl you can be goofy with...
• i wanna be the girl you can tell anything to...
• i wanna be the girl your scared to lose...
• i wanna be the girl you hold hands with in public && not care what anyone else thinks...
• i wanna be the girl on your mind...
• but most of all i wanna be the girl you love <3

so yea... i wish i had the guts to let you see this blog though i know i wont. i never will. im not couragious enough...im not strong enough...im no where near strong enough...so i will silently wait...and hope that one day you will see the truth in my cold heart...and melt me again :)

SOM3 GiRL......

You might just think of me as some girl... but I just want you to know, that I'm the one girl who took one look at you, and fell harder than I ever have in my entire life. -crush quotes

oh that smile...

oh that smirk...

oh that laugh...

the two scars on your chin...

silent like a wren...

the way your hair falls in your eyes...             

makes me feel tied...

boy you make me smile...

brighter than ever...

i need you more than the breath i take...

more than my heart needs a beat...

watching you fly over concrete...

makes me want to fly too,

but only if im beside you...



LOV3 LiK3 WO333333................

those beautiful eyes...

that beautiful smile...

makes me fall harder and harder every day...

no every moment we share together...

my life is soooo complicated...

but you seem to always know how to make me smile...

and make me feel better....

how...?

why...?

what did i ever do to deserve such kindness?

god knows ive never given you, or anyone else a reason to believe in me...

but just maybe...this time...it will work.

not just work, but last.

its a beautiful begining to what could be the rest of our lives...

feel the blood flowing beneath my veins...

its all thats left of my soul...

but with you...

i know that i still haave a chance...

at being saved from this terrible mess...

love me...and i will in return...

love you like your my last breath...

like your my final heart beat a moment before death...

ill cherish you like no other because we understand each other...

simple looks from across the room,

gives me hope to keep going...

to stay strong...

but ill never know...

unless i ask...

which im not sure that i want to know your answer,

what if this is all just a dream?

or a sweet nightmare?

i guess ill never know...

until i reach over and say i love you in this car :)

oh that smiley-happy-danceeeee :)

singing at the top of our lungs...
screaming out our frustration,
but laughing at how horrible we really sound :)

smiling at each other from across the room,
pennies flying everywhere...
lovely music filled moments,
where i forget the pain && simply look at you :)

wondering what will happen next?
skating, no wait flying...
to my safe place,
though it will never be as good as when im finally in your arms :)
 
my life may be hell,
and your face may be heaven,
but i promise when you look back,
i will always be here :)

We are ALL in the gutter, though some of us are looking at the STARZ :)

so tired of their fucking bull shit.
you love me?
please!
like you were ever there when i needed you most...
or like you even cared at all.
quit lying to your self.
you did this not me.
though i have to say, i miss being a kid.
i hated having to grow up so damn fast.
i look at other kids my age and think...
what the fucking hell did they do that i didnt?
made their parents love them?
hell i dont know anymore.
all i know is that as long as their is still blood flowing in these veins,
a heartbeat beneath this chest,
i will not give up nor give into this world.
i will use my last breath to stand back up and go one more round.
and so what if i fail?
im already dead.

the silence....its deafening....

music.
beautiful melodies.
sweeping through the air,
that surrounds you and me.
lovely,
soft,
melodies.
its begining to make me see,
your path to me.
emotions not present.
not gone.
just not visible.
show me the way,
and ill save you.
let the music flow through our veins,
and let it silence our voices.
til all we have left it that soft beating of our hearts.
beating together as one.
passion.
nervous.
startling first touch.
let me in,
i think that we will be okay.
if you just let the music show us the way.

What did you dream about last night?

my nightmares.

Ask me anything

all jacked up....

Floating not wait swimming...
Far far away from everything...
Don't need any air,
No longer will I need you to breath into me,
I will love u til my last breath...
No more breath.
Swimming beside him.
Talking laughing kissing.
All under this warm water,
We can see waves crash above us,
The sky looks ghoastly,
Like were not apart of the world anymore.
Drifting away,
Focus on his smile, his hair, his fingers intertwined with mine.
Just keep swimming you say :)

my life be like ((WoND3RLAND!!!!))

Today I told the truth...to your mom

Who also believes u should man up to your actions,

Face ur transgressions,

And help me overcome this obsticle.

You have me running blind...turning to things that ease my mind.

Lovely you say? Brokeness can't be healed.

So tell me when? When will I have my answer?

When will I be free of this awful and demented secret?

Sitting here I flash back to that time when I first fell in love with you,

What happened? We were one of those worldwind romances and now...

Were both broken, beaten down, lost.

I need u but I can't,

I gotta stand up and fight on my own.

Its my life at stake and if I'm not careful I might just slip away again,

Free falling in a downward spiral waiting for someone to catch me,

Slowly realzing that your not their anymore,

No one is.

I'm looking for a hero, someone to save what little I have of a heart left,

I don't have much to offer just the promise that

One day I will be strong again.

One day I will know no wrong by you,

One day I will spread my wings and fly away

To that place where ill find you again,

For now ill lay my head down to rest for eternity.

I hear your heartbeat right beneath your chest...

Hot skin against my face as I listen one more time,

To hear something I don't have anymore,

You lean your head down, waiting to hear my heartbeat again,

Nothing but silence fills my chest.

Alice how lucky you were,

To fall down a rabbit hole away from reality,

Save me one last time...

I make the path but I'm too weak to go alone...

Just save me one last time and with my last breath I will speak the truth.

needy mofo!!!!

will you stop it already!!! i swear!
if i dont text back after the first one, or the second,
or the 32nd txt message im pretty sure that im DEFINATLY NOT going to
text you back!!!

damn people need to chill the fuck out lol...

im just trying to live my life && if you dont like the way im doing things then fuck off. period. end of story.

chocolate starfish!

so tell me now...after all that we have been through and you still want me to lie?

im tired of fighting for you. im tired of fighting for myself.

i cant even hold my head up anymore, because of your worthless peice of shit.

i wonder how come i fell so hard, so fast, and so unwillingly.

i cant be loved back. no matter what i do i will never have a full heart to give again...and its all thanks to you.

sorry you guys this was a little rant lol :) but other than my secret coming out into the open,

blowing that entire ship up in the water with it,

its been a long fucking day lol and my sister decided to try to make me happy by us getting pedicures :)

and damn it felt good :D hehe so now onto a hot bath and a good nights sleep :D

peace, love, && ladybugs :)

reasonings?

so my cousin put me on a blind phone date...
we couldnt tell each other any thing about our appereances...
only talk about ourselves, what we like to do etc.
and omg...

idk about being the one for me...who knows its possible...but boy u definatly got a smile on my face...which after today i definatly needed. :)

amen to that!!! gnight bloggers :)

unravel, unfold, dissapear from my soul.

so my secret is finally going to come out...
wheather i want it to or not...
make a choice:

a. keep your best friend && lie for him like you always do

b. let this secret out, finally be free, and lose it all.

decisions decsions...how shall i decide?

one year, two weeks, and 3 days...of ups downs, secrets, lies, love, and laughter.

can decide.

i wont lie for you any longer.

but i also will do anything to keep you here.

before you i needed wings to fly...
you came and gave them to me...
twins would have been great...
but we were meant to say goodbye...
never given a reason why...
love doesnt lie...
but thats all we do for each other...
truth on the inside, lie and protect on the outside...
its how its always been...

but until we meet again...dasvendonya && see you later.
though it will never be goodbye for good...
we always end up coming back together...
so just hold my hand...
&& i promise we will be okay. we have to be right?

the count -> seseme street -> vampires imortalitly..... ????

so on my facebook account alot of things are censered due to the fact that my young sister && family memebers are on there so i dont like them to know too much about my blog...but this you gotta see!!!

so i posted these simple words as my status: "i want to be free of you, the way you obviously, are free of me. -the count of monte cristo"

this is what i get in return...

1: God i love that movie lol

2: :) ive only seen parts of it but ive read one of the many versions of the book lol :)

3: The only "Count" I ever took note of lived on Sesame Street.

2: lol omg  really? there was count dracula too ya know? and alot of others that seemed to have slipped my mind at the moment.....but i know that they existed hehe :D

3: I simply refer to Dracula as being just that. Count Dracula sounds like a Harlem pimp. Although, now that I think of it, a black velvet cape with red underlining.....was Dracula moonlighting as a pimp?

1:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i73dWYJqVHk ... you mentioned "Count" and this is the first thing i thought of. then i read the rest of the sentence, and found out you were talking about Sesame Street too :D

2:  bahahahahahahaha! thats just....idk what to even say to that....though it does make a lot of sense haha

3: Well, really. He only comes out at night, women had a strange attraction to him, and he was highly demanding. I'm not even sure he was a vampire after weighing all the evidence....

2:  i believe what we talked about the other day...okay so life is in the blood right? so if someone, say dracu...la, drank the blood then wouldnt he be taking their life as his own? :) so while no the twilight crap is unbelievably fake...i think there are still some mysteries left with our count dracula && his home in translyvania :D

3:  He's only taking the lives of men he bites. From the women he is taking money....and they better be on time. And the blood of men would obviously have at least trace amounts of testosterone in it, yes? That's why he has such a powertrip, he's jacked up on testosterone

2:  lol so now hes basically on steriods? bahahahaha this is too funny lol! but seriously...he only took the money from the women? i thought he just bite/killed everyone or anyone when he was hungary...i need to go back and re-read that book....

3: He just killed the men. They didn't tell you until the Twilight series that a vamp bite makes you immortal as well. That's why he can afford to live in that castle, he's been runnin shop with all his women for thousands of years. Business is boomin!

2:  lol i knew vamps live forever haha && not from the twilight crap haha but from where life is in the blood so if you take/bite someone else and steal their blood your stealing their life which in return makes you imortal like queen of the damned or the vampire acdemy series that im reading right now lol except in this series if you kill for blood you are evil strigoi...but if you simply feed on blood and dont take a humans life you are a moroi && immortal :D

3:  Dracula killed for money. Fitty Cent style.

2:  lol i actually had someone tell me the other day he had been shot just as many times as fifty cent but he didnt have a limp lol!!! and apparently in a lot of the same spots that fifty did...it was crazy but hey it made me laugh lol even though it was kinda mean...

3:  Dracula never got shot and he has a limp. The pimp limp. He's so hood.

2: lol omg....this is where im going to go to sleep hahaha! jk! but wow did not think this convo would have taken so many left turns away from what i was really talking about bahahahaha! :D


okay sorry about the numbers but i wanted to protect my friends names lol i am number 2 if you couldnt tell... :D and that was our craziest convo i think we have ever had!!! peace && chicken grease everyone! :D

KEEP FUCKING THAT CHICKEN!

edited this pic today lol, im trying to get my mind off of my current life situation, && my nightmares that keep seeming to consume me at night.
talking to ajnalisa helps me every single day,
some days i doubt i would make it through if it wasnt for her :)

then she sends me this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss8LDBNcsWc

this vid is hilarious!!!!! made me laugh bahahaha KEEP FUCKING THAT CHICKEN!



i posted a mini-vid of it on here i hope it works :) peace, love, && coconut rum :P

RiGHTEOUS APPLESAUCE :)

soooo.....its friday night.....&& all i got it time to think...
you know what? screw relationships and random ass guys texting me saying the same fucking bullshit...
oh you think im cute...well your not.
oh you think im sexy in this top...well *non-lady like hand gesture*
oh you wanna just be fuck buddies...how about go buy barbie, i hear shes a cheap dirty slut.

im beautiful, classy, sweet when i wanna be, a bitch when i have to be, im strong, im proud, im a rebel, im smart, funny, && if you want me you gotta try harder than just a fucking text message that says "lets fuck."

:) peace, love, && righteous applesauce! :P

WWAD???

your love will wither  and depart from me, let  me be jeremy and go away forever.

the INCORRECT engagement...

you are my best friend.
Just two kids trying to figure what love was all about.
we fEll so hard,
you got scaRed, stood up and left me there.
your asking for hEr hand in arriage,
though you always come back to My bed.
mY hand is still stinging from that last kiss,
a simple sign of so many emotions flowing through our veins,
with out you here im so lost,
my body feels cold,
my heart is made like ice,
but even if you thaw it out, it will never beat again.
not the way it did when i was in your arms,
or pressing my lips to yours,
or feeling our bodies be one...
you will always be my best friend.
but i cant stand to be second best,
is that all im WiRTH?

crazy exes!!!!!!

so most people by the time they go to college have been in atleast one relationship...
well ive been in a few and lets just say their all crazy in their own ways...
ive had : the obsessor, the abuser, the athete on steroids, && the crack head.
and thats the nice way of putting it...
well i saw the crack head today and he tried to chase me at school in front of everyone...
then this guy...i call my vampire...decided he was going to be my knight in shinning armor
and well he kinda was... :)

without music there would be no point to life...

So today i spent wayyyyy too much on my car :D
first of all i absolutly love my car!
it is my baby :)
i built it when i was 13 and i keep adding and upgrading everything hehe :D
so yeaaaaa....when ur ridin down the road and you hear a nice ass engine with flo masters && a sexy bump...
yep thats me :P

retarded drunkeness....

your my best friend...
STOP NOW!!!

you told me how much of a better person i would be if i quit...well why cant you...
quit hiding the secret! just fucking come out with it already!

we both knew this would happen...she would find out eventually...

now what??? SECRETS DONT DIE WITH THE DEAD!

too close for comfort....

so i saw you today...
well i saw through you...
my heart was protecting me from the pain of seeing your face,
those lips,
that crooked lil grin that made me fall in love all over again...
you did me wrong...
&& i wont be coming back this time...
i can promise you that.

**sorry you guys...had to get that one off my chest i was totally have an awesome girls night out with the bestie && the sissy and just happened to run into my ex an his new gf....he looked completly miserable an im just lost right now...hes not good for me...we were always meant to say goodbye...damn ive used that line alot this week...between realizing that for me && him and me && my bestest guy friend in the world...damn im tired of pain...but thats life, we grow up, people move away, go into the military, get jobs, build families, and we just have to keep going through the pain no matter how hard it may seem, or how impossible it is to breathe....which makes me wonder....is the moon really made of cheese?? fly me there now && let me find out...atleast up there i wont be in the constant pain of running into my past...which is not cool...at all.

red head???? :D

so our aftermath was hilarious tonight! :)
&& we went on a HUGE shopping spree!!
but as for the moon being cheese? idk bahahahahaha!
but nachos & cheese with a "killer" movie...literally haha was banging!!!!
oh yea and im no longer a brunettee...can you say red head :P

movie date with the sissy :D

So tonight is the usual AFTERMATH! whoop whoop!
As explained in one of my books on my other blog ((http://ladyjayded.blogspot.com/2011/02/crash.html))
Aftermath is something me && my baby sis do :)
after a long week of school, her being a freshman in highschool && me being a freshman in college, we dont have alot of time durring the week to really "talk" about things....
therefore we made up aftermath :D we named our girls night out that because were talking about what happened durring the week, who has a date with who, and so on :)
but just thought i would tell yall how my sissy is the BEST in the world! && so onto the moon :P

**Peace && chicken grease my loves**

the moon is cheese?

so my friend asks me what im doing...my reply is homework like always :/
we then decided we needed a vacation...
college kids need more breaks!
but instead of a roadtrip like most of our friends...we decided hey lets take a trip to the moon :D
this blog is going to be of our crazy adventures that we have and how much we dream of escaping to some place like the moon :)
is the moon made of cheese?
were definatly going to be finding out soon!!!

~JayD~